More of Our Favorite Motivational and Other Quotes

You can follow Barry Maher on Twitter for more of his favorite quotes.

 

“Life is a blank canvass, and you need to throw all the paint on it you can.”  -Danny Kaye  

“If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses.”  -Attributed to Henry Ford (possibly erroneously)

“Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you will help them become what they are capable of becoming.”  -Goethe

“Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.”  -Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

“You’re never as good as everyone tells you when you win, and you’re never as bad as they say when you lose.”  -Lou Holtz

“Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history.”  -George Bernard Shaw

“Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you’d have preferred to talk.”
-Doug Larson

“Eagles soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.”  -Steven Wright

“Timid salesmen have skinny kids.”  -Zig Ziglar

“If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck.”  -Elvis Presley

“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”  -Terry Pratchett

“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in one ahead.”  -Bill Mcglashen 

“In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice; In practice, there is.”  -Chuck Reid

“My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.”  -Dave Barry

“If at first you don’t succeed; you’re running about average.”  -M.H. Alderson

“Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.”  -Scott Adams

“I never criticize a player until they are first convinced of my unconditional confidence in their abilities.”  -John Robinson

“Every time you feel yourself being pulled into other people’s drama, repeat these words: ‘Not my circus, not my monkeys.'”  -Polish Proverb

“Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted.”  -Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

“You don’t want another Enron? Here’s your law: If a company can’t explain in ONE SENTENCE what it does, it’s illegal.”  -Lewis Black

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.”  -Maya Angelou

“Well-behaved women seldom make history.”  -Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.”  -Will Rogers

“The question, ‘Who ought to be boss?’ is like asking, ‘Who ought to be the tenor in the quartet?’ Obviously, the man who can sing tenor.”  -Henry Ford

“It’s much easier for me to make major life, multimillion-dollar decisions than it is to decide on a carpet for my front porch.”  -Oprah Winfrey

“Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men–the other 999 follow women.”  -Groucho Marx

“I don’t want yes-men around me. I want everyone to tell the truth, even if it costs them their jobs.”      -Samuel Goldwyn

“I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.”  -Will Rogers

“There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.”
-Mary Little

“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?” -George Carlin

“It’s a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water.”
-Franklin P. Jones

“I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.” -Groucho Marx

“The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.”  -Bertrand Russell

“Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.”  -Margaret Thatcher

“Don’t tell people how to do things, tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results.”  -George S. Patton

“I’ve been imitated so well I’ve heard people copy my mistakes.”  -Jimi Hendrix

“I’ll probably never fully become what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that’s probably because I wanted to be a ninja princess.”  -Cassandra Duffy

“Life is a long lesson in humility.”  -James M. Barrie

 

Yet More Motivational, Funny Quotations