Hello Everyone:
This month’s article is a little different. Maybe I got punch drunk in
June, hopping from California to Las Vegas to Alaska to San Jose to Biloxi
to Mexico City then back to California. Personally, I think it’s more a
reflection of a growing trend of large, well-known, theoretically reputable
organizations resorting to a type of marketing formerly associated with
carnival barkers and fly-by-night telemarketers.
Speaking of marketing, this month's offer for newsletter readers is at the
end of the article.
All the Best,
Barry
OK, So I Didn’t Get Elected Pope
. . . Speaking of Motivation by B.S.
By
Barry Maher
What I’m about to say may surprise some of you. And I’m sure it
will absolutely astonish the traditional news media. But I’m starting to
think I have a real shot at being nominated to the Supreme Court.
Apparently, I’m well thought of in extremely high places.
A while back, in fact, I received a message on my voice mail
informing me that I had just been nominated to serve on the Republican
Presidential Committee. Would I please call their toll free number
immediately? When I called and asked who had nominated me, the woman who
took the call told me that the nomination had come from the Republican
Congressional Committee. And I never realized those people even knew that I
was alive.
"So who on the committee nominated me?" I wondered.
The woman wasn't sure. She did know that the committee thought
it would be invaluable if a key national business leader like myself would
lend his name and agree to serve.
"You know I never thought of myself as a key national business
leader," I said.
"Well, that's the way we think of you here."
Wow.
She explained that there would be no time commitment, so exactly
what my service might entail was a little vague. But there would be a press
release, announcing my appointment to my local paper. And agreeing to serve
would give me a chance to meet top Republicans like the Speaker of the
House, "perhaps even President Bush," and give them my thoughts. So I'd have
access to them on the issues that concerned my business.
They'd also appreciate it if I could contribute from $300 to
$500.
"But if I can't come up with a contribution just now,” I said,
“I can still lend my name to the cause and be on the committee and meet
President Bush, right?"
"No." No amplification, just a flat no.
"So my name won't help you without the money?"
"We need your name AND the money."
"But without the money you won't use my name."
"Are you a Democrat?" she asked suspiciously.
"Would the Republican Congressional Committee nominate a
Democrat to serve on the Republican Presidential Committee?"
That's when she hung up. I'm not sure how that might affect my
status on the committee. I expect I'll hear from President Bush himself in
the next couple of days. We key national business leaders shouldn't be
wasting our time dealing with subordinates anyway.
Now in fairness, I'm not sure the Democrats' fundraising
strategies would be any better (if they had anything to sell). And I should
mention that the Republicans have apparently now scrapped these Republican
Presidential Committee phone calls. Nowadays, according to ABC News, they’re
calling “key business leaders” and telling them that they have been
nominated for something called “the National Leadership Award.” It’s every
bit as good a deal as the Presidential Committee, just $300 to $500.
And you may already be a winner.
© Copyright 2008,
Barry Maher, Barry Maher & Associates, Las Vegas, Nevada
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