Turning Tragedy into Triumph and Triumph into Tragedy
by
Barry Maher
Your personal sense of scale defines
your triumphs and your tragediesand
everything in between. That's never more true than with victimization. Kacey
McCallister is a young boy who lost both legs in an accident, one above the hip,
one six inches below it. He plays baseball and basketball: at 2 feet 7 inches
tall.
"I realize," Kacey said,
"there was nothing I could do to change it unless they come out with
something that can grow legs. I just go with what I have."
His family stays in touch with the
truck driver who accidentally hit Kacey while the boy was crossing the street.
"I think what [the driver] has gone through is much, much worse than what
we have gone through," Kacey's mother says.
On
the other hand . . .
At a convention for a multi-level marketing company, one of their top
distributors addresses the group. Whatever you may think of multi-level
marketers, this is a man who's worked hard and overcome great odds. He's become
a remarkable financial success; he probably makes over a quarter of a million
dollars a year. Tonight he tells his story.
He'd been a copier salesman, a milk truck driver, a bus driver. He'd been
fired; he'd failed in business. When he started with the multi-level company,
all his friends and relatives ridiculed him. He'd invited them all to his first
home meeting, then he waitedand waitedand none of
them showed up. He never forgot that night and he'd used that hurt and anger to
propel him to success.
He smiles though, as he tells of the day he invited them all down to see
him off as he and his wife took their first award-winners cruise. He talks of
the feeling as the ship pulled off, of sipping champagne and looking down at the
dock as the whistle blew and the streamers flew by. And of his moment of triumph
as he gazed down on those who had scoffed at himpresumably
all his friends and relativesand gave
them the finger.
Who can fault someone for wanting to prove
himself and to others that he's better than any of them imaginedand using
that desire to motivate himself to get wherever it is he wanted to go? It just
seems to me that sailing off on a luxury line away from a lifetime's worth of
friends and family is not the most triumphant image I can imagine. Or if it is a
triumph, it's one on a much, much smaller scale than a 2 foot 7 inch tall boy
playing basketball.
Granting forgiveness when you've been
wronged is one way to change the scale completely. It can turn a tragedy into a
triumph. Failing to grant forgiveness can turn triumph into tragedy.
Forgiveness
and Survival
Eighty percent of Americans believe that forgiveness takes the help of
God. It doesn't. Robert Enright, founder of the Forgiveness Center explains,
"The essence of forgiveness is always the same. You've been hurt by
someone. You chose to give up the resentment to which you are entitled. You
offer benevolence and mercy to someone who does not deserve it." To someone
who, at least in your eyes, does not deserve it. And it makes you feel
better.
You forgive for your own sake, more than the
sake of the person you're forgiving: a person who may not care in the slightest
if you forgive him or not; who may not even believe he did anything wrong; who
may even persist in what he's doing. You forgive him because it makes you feel
better. If living well is the best revenge, forgiveness is one way to help you
live well.
"Forgiveness and reconciliation
aren't necessarily the same thing," says Enright. "You don't have to
cave in to the other person. But you can break the cycle . . . if you are
willing to forgive."
It doesn't mean that you cave in. It doesn't mean that you don't go ahead and do
what has to be done to make the situation right. And yes, it can be extremely
difficult. But you forgive. For your own sake.
Adapted
from Filling the Glass: The Skeptic's Guide to Positive Thinking in Business by
Barry Maher (Dearborn 2001).
Barry
Maher consults, writes and speaks on professional development, motivation,
management and sales. Filling the Glass: The Skeptic's Guide to Positive
Thinking in Business was recently cited by Todays Librarian as
[One of] The Seven Essential Popular Business Books.
©
Copyright 2000, Barry Maher, Barry Maher & Associates, Las Vegas, Nevada
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