Senator, Shut Up!
By
Barry Maher
There's
a story about me that's been reported in a couple of national publications. I've
never confirmed it and I'm not going to now, but I am going to repeat it because
it illustrates perfectly a point I want to make.
I was working with a client—a well known
and powerful senator—on his
personal selling skills. As Selling Power magazine reported the story:
On Maher's second day in Washington, he set up a roleplay for the
senator who quickly turned it into a filibuster.
"Senator,' Maher allegedly broke in,
"shut up!"
Stunned, the senator did just that—for a moment
anyway. But every time he tried to speak, Maher interrupted, talking over him,
refusing to let him squeeze in a syllable. When Maher started shaking a figure
in the man's face and lecturing, the senator reached the point of apoplexy.
That's when Maher flipped on the VCR and played a tape of the senator doing
the exact same thing the day before—to another
legislator, a less powerful man—but one
whose vote the senator needed.
I work with some of the most intelligent people
in the country. And I respect all my clients. But if I had done something
like this, it would have been because sometimes you simply have to demonstrate
to someone how his behavior makes the person he's hoping to persuade, feel.
Most salespeople realize that the days are long
gone when they can ram a product down the customer's throat and choke off his or
her objections. The rest of us need to realize it as well. Particularly those of
us in management. Because though we never try to do it with superiors and seldom
try it with peers, too many of us are still in a cram and ram mode when it comes
to our subordinates. Which doesn't tend to generate wholehearted, enthusiastic
support.
A few years back, Psychology Today reported a study of top
executives, comparing those who had gotten "de-railed" in their
careers with those who keep moving on up to senior management. The most common
problem among the "de-railed?" Insensitivity to others: an
intimidating, bullying, abrasive style. Which means a lack of empathy, an
inability to look inside themselves and find a piece of themselves that’s very
much like whomever they’re dealing with.
You may think of yourself as the stereotypical
tough boss with a heart of gold, "crusty but benign," like Lou Grant
from the old Mary Tyler Moore show and so many other TV and movie bosses. Those
who work from you may not be getting the same picture.
Even many of us who'd never cram and ram
are frequently guilty of not listening. Not observing. Once again, this is an
especially serious problem in management. There's always a tendency for managers
to talk too much and listen too little, to ramble on and waste our people's
time.
People with less power have to act
interested in what we say. So we start believing we're fascinating, and we talk
too damn much. We know we should spend more time listening, but we seldom do.
If power corrupts, the first thing it corrupts
is the little voice in our heads that tells us when to shut up.
Tip: Shut
up.
Adapted
from Filling the Glass: The Skeptic's Guide to Positive Thinking in Business by
Barry Maher (Dearborn 2001).
Barry
Maher consults, writes and speaks on professional development, motivation,
management and sales. Filling the Glass: The Skeptic's Guide to Positive
Thinking in Business was recently cited by Today’s Librarian as
“[One of] The Seven Essential Popular Business Books.”
© Copyright 2008, Barry Maher, Barry Maher &
Associates, Las Vegas, Nevada
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